Why Women Leave the Men They Love?
An article for men and women.
As a relationship coach working with men and women in a connection crisis, I have helped clients navigate numerous issues. While many situations are complicated, there’s one profoundly simple truth that men need to know - women often leave men they love.
Women feel terrible about breakups, and it tears the heart out of them, but they continue to go. Women leave men with whom they have built lives with, homes and often a family. Women leave men for many reasons, but there’s one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand.
Women leave because their man is not present.
He’s working, playing football, cricket, golfing, watching TV, fishing…the list is long. These aren’t evil men. They’re good men. They’re good fathers. They support their family. They’re friendly, likeable. But they take their wife for granted because they are not present.
Women tell me “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet, right out from under my husband.” Sometimes the realisation frightens them, often reducing them to tears. The fact is if their partners don't change, someone often sweeps these women off their feet.
Guys, whether you think this is right or wrong is up to you. All I am doing is letting you know the facts of what I often see. You can get angry or hurt or indignant as you want. Your partner is not your property, and she does not owe you her soul. You earn it. Day by day, moment by moment. She needs you first and foremost with your presence, your aliveness. Your partner wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to know you are listening and caring, not nodding politely and saying "mmm", not appeasing, and defiantly not playing devil’s advocate.
Women are hurting and sick of being ignored.
She wants you to feel her. She doesn’t want absent-minded groping or quick release sex. She wants to feel your passion. Can you feel her passion? Can you show her? Not just your love for her or sex; she needs your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It’s the most attractive thing you possess. If you’ve lost it, why? Where did it go?
Guys, I want you to practice listening to your partner. Think about what you do when she is talking. Does your mind wander? When you look at your love, how deeply do you see her? Look again, look deeper and keep it for longer than usual, more extended than comfortable. Notice her reaction on how much she loves you looking at her, how she starts to fall back in love with the man she loves.
Next try touching her with your full attention. Touch her in a soothing and loving way that she knows you are loving every part of her while you are running your hands over her body. Take note of what happens to you both the moment you make contact. What happens to your bodies, what do you both feel with the sensations? What emotions does this bring up with you both? Tell her about what you’re noticing, moment to moment.
The most common answers I hear from men are:
But I'm busy. I don’t have time for this.
Well guys, unless you want all the time in the world to be lonely without your partner, then it is time to make time.
How about ten minutes? Ten minutes each day (as a start). Will you commit to that? I’m not talking about lavish dinners or nights out (although date nights are important too). I’m talking about ten minutes each day to be entirely present for the woman you share your life with together.
Be completely open with her - hearing and seeing the woman that you love without judgement. Can you commit to this? You can still do all your sport and other interests, but balance this wiht your relationship. What I do know as I have seen it time and time again is once you begin this balance and paying attention to your partner and once you get a taste of your loving relationship being back on track, you won’t want to stop.
“Coming together is a beginning: keeping together is a progress: working together is success” – Henry Ford.
Carolyn Rowland is a qualified NLP Master Therapist, Advanced Practitioner of Matrix Therapies, Time Line Therapist, Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, has a Diploma for Business and Life Coaching and A Professional Image Stylist. Carolyn is happily married to her husband Simon, and raised four beautiful children, who are now young adults and a teenager.