The #1 Important Thing To Cultivate An Amazing Relationship

The #1 Important Thing To Cultivate An Amazing Relationship

Remember the early days of your relationship, before children, work or even television, when you would sit on the couch and gaze into each other's eyes and talk?  


Communication is essential for cultivating a fantastic relationship and this is why we need to take time out, with date nights, a walk, a drive to the country, anywhere without distractions, so you can build and maintain a healthy relationship.

When you organise this time together, here are three ways to communicate with your partner to guarantee they will love being with you.

1. Be focused and alert

During the early stages of dating, couples are typically very attentive to each other, but over time that attentiveness often gets lost.  Make your partner feel loved and cherished and show you are thinking of them.  This doesn’t have to be with flowers and chocolates (although they would be welcomed!), but things like asking them how their day was, asking if you can do anything for them, organising a date night to their favourite restaurant, stopping what you are doing and focussing on them when they are talking.  Simple, but effective things you probably did when you were first dating.

2. Genuinely listen

Put your phone down, turn off the laptop and press mute on TV to genuinely listen to your partner.  When many couples came to see me for therapy, a lot of the feedback was that they learnt how important this seemingly simple act was.  They learnt that they didn’t need to solve their partner's problems, but that by just being there to genuinely listen and pay attention was the important part.  Often their partner would sort the problem out themselves but just needed to be listened to while they thought things through.

3. Don’t go on the defensive

Especially during an argument, the ego can often build a wall up between couples.  Instead of listening to what their partner is trying to say and seeing their point of view, a person will usually start to defend themselves.  Rather than listening and communicating, the partner often thinks they are being attacked and switches into defensive mode.  If your partner is speaking to you, about you, try to listen and see things from their point of view rather than attacking their viewpoint, which leads to a fight.  Even if you don’t agree, allow your partner to feel heard.  Remember, you are a team and you are always learning from each other. 


Generally, take a look at what you can do to keep things alive with your partner and evaluate how you are communicating.  You’ll be surprised at how rapidly things can change and improve your relationship.

And remember to have some fun together!


Carolyn Rowland is a qualified NLP Master Therapist, Advanced Practitioner of Matrix Therapies, Time Line Therapist, Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, has a Diploma for Business and Life Coaching and A Professional Image Stylist.  Carolyn is happily married to her husband Simon, and raised four beautiful children, who are now young adults and a teenager.


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