What Is The First Step To Repairing Your Relationship?

What Is The First Step To Repairing Your Relationship?

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A great relationship doesn’t just happen; you have to work at it.  I have heard many of my clients say, "But if I have to work at it, then it's not the right relationship." 


For your car to run correctly, you have to have to have it serviced.

For you to have excellent physical health, you have to eat well, exercise regularly and reduce stresses in your life.

Your personal life is no different. For you to have a loving relationship full of romance and intimacy, it is essential to work at it.

Yet while many people try to, throughout my ten years plus working as a relationship coach I have seen time and time again that there is a key part of this ‘working on my relationship’ that people miss. Looking at themselves as a ‘couple’ they overlook the real secret to improving any relationship. And it may surprise you what this is.

The first rule of a successful loving relationship is learning to love yourself first.  This is one of the most critical things you can choose to do to improve your relationship.

Loving relationships all begin from your sense of self, your self-love and self-esteem.  The understanding that you are worthy to have a loving relationship, that you feel you are good enough to have a partner who loves you, who you trust, keeps you safe, appreciates you and makes you feel great about yourself. 


In relationship coaching I always commence working with the two people as individuals; the focus is on self first, then on the individuals as a couple. People must learn about themselves and understand their own values on love, trust and commitment. You must also remember to treat yourself with love and kindness. Once you know yourself and accept yourself as you are, you will be less likely to self-judge, something which will always make you feel unhappy and insecure in your relationship. You take responsibility for your own feelings and needs, instead of trying to change yourself to accommodate your partner and make them happy and secure at your own expense.

When you learn how to take 100% responsibility for yourself, you also stop blaming your partner for the things that upset you (blaming your partner is the number one cause for relationship problems).

Here are some strategies for you to work on to build your self-love:

1. Concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses.

2. Write down ten positive things about yourself.

3. Concentrate on your potentials

4. Remind yourself of your past successes.

5. Replace negative self-talk with positive.

6. Visualize your future success to know you will succeed.

Apply these six steps to your daily life and your confidence and relationship will soar!

So please practice self-love and do it for yourself.  You are worth it!  You will also be amazed at the improvement in your relationship.

Carolyn Rowland has been a relationship therapist and coach for over seven years, working with many couples to produce happier relationships.  She now shares many of these ideas, real stories, and information for you on her daily blog.  Stay tuned for more on the very exciting news that Carolyn has a book, written predominately for men on relationships, to be released soon.  Why for men?  Because, based on Caz's real-life experiences with her clients, she realised that men were also the ones who needed some guidance and help.

What others are saying about the book:

"The book is sensational. I have never read such down to earth correct observations and directions.  So proud of you taking the time to write this for men. It will make a much difference for us men and our relationships." - Michael.

Check out our other dating articles in the "relationship" section of Cazinc Blog.


Carolyn Rowland is a qualified NLP Master Therapist, Advanced Practitioner of Matrix Therapies, Time Line Therapist, Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, has a Diploma for Business and Life Coaching and A Professional Image Stylist.  Carolyn is happily married to her husband Simon, and raised four beautiful children, who are now young adults and a teenager.

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Please leave comments below or email Carolyn@cazinc.com.au.

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