How To Control Your Childs Meltdowns - Long Term
Tell me a parent that has never had a child screaming for chocolate while waiting in line at the supermarket? (Yes, we know they deliberately put them in the front of children!) As a mother, I have had my fair share of tantrums.
Where was the training on how to handle this?
In this scenario, you may feel like doing many things, but connecting with your child probably isn’t one of them.
The book "No-Drama Discipline - The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind", by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, has been the saviour for many parents. It has fantastic tips on child-rearing, including how to handle tantrums with communication.
Connecting with kids makes them receptive to you and your requests for better behaviour. Most importantly, connection helps them build healthy and happy relationships.
You can connect well with your children by communicating comfort and offering validation.
You can communicate comfort through nonverbal gestures such as nodding or hugging. You can also comfort them by identifying the emotion they’re feeling. For that, you’ll need to listen, reflect them and validate what they’re experiencing.
In these situations, it is essential as a parent to stay calm.
How did I do this when shopping with four children?
The answer may surprise you. It is that the better you feel about you, the better a parent you can be. When parents don't feel great about themselves and perhaps even feel unloved and the world is against them, then the last thing they can cope with is a child throwing a tantrum and they may often get angry at the child.
When you stay calm and confident in your ability to try to communicate and show understanding (even though everyone is watching and judging you), then you can calmly speak to your child.
What the book teaches about communication
Discipline with your child should be proactive instead of reactive. Proactive is the notion behind a “no drama” discipline. The short-term goal is to get your child to cooperate with you, while the long-term goal is to assist them to improve their behaviour, relationship and communication skills.
First, listen to your child talk about their feelings. Then reflect on them, but don’t blame them for feeling angry. After all, we can all relate to the sense of not getting what we want!
It’s unlikely everything will suddenly be sunshine and rainbows for you and your child. But by doing this, you’ll validate their experience, while teaching your child better behaviour and healthy communication.
"No-Drama Discipline" provides a fresh approach to disciplining children by emphasising the importance of teaching over punishment. Based on neuroscience, this method reduces drama and guides parents on how to build a deeper relationship with their children.
Carolyn (Caz) Rowland is a fashion designer, model, lifestyle blogger and professional Image Stylist. Caz is also a qualified NLP Master Therapist, Advanced Practitioner of Matrix Therapies, Time Line Therapist, Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, has a Diploma for Business and Life Coaching. Caz is happily married to her husband Simon, and raised four beautiful children, who are now young adults and a teenager.