How To Bring The Sexy Back Into Your Relationship

How To Bring The Sexy Back Into Your Relationship

Over the course of long-term relationships, it’s a common experience for most couples to undergo transitions as the relationship moves through its different stages.  One of the key areas where this process can become obvious is in the level of sexual desire and passion.  For some couples the stage where they felt passionately attracted to each other may even seem like a distant memory.  Somehow, routine has taken the place of spontaneity and everything has become entirely predictable.  

So, what happened?

The truth is that the forces of desire and attraction are not consistent in their nature.  They tend to peak and descend in most relationships.  In fact, the first level of desire and passion we feel in the beginning of a relationship plus the sensation that it’s never going to end is one of the strongest illusions we experience.  It’s natural for this level of desire to be unsustainable and eventually all healthy relationships make a transition from surface passion into loving intimacy.  

As quoted by Harvard University - One of the strangest things about relationships is that the more you progress into intimacy and feelings of true love for your partner, the less power things such as pure passion and mindless desire will hold you over.  It’s a new stage of the relationship.  It’s actually scientifically proven how chemicals in the brain will change as this is happening from testosterone to oxytocin. You feel deep love more than burning desire.  This is the stage most marriages and committed relationships achieve; it’s a step beyond surface level desire.

Are you in a dull, boring relationship that has lost its passion and excitement?  Do you want things to be as hot as they once were?  There are many different things you can do to spice things up and bring the sexy back into your relationship.



We always associate love with connection, so it's time to focus on both.  To fall in love with each other again you need to connect. Communication is essential in and outside the bedroom.  You need to chat with your partner in the same way you talk to your best friends. Be open and honest with each other about your feelings about your relationship, romance, passion and your intimate desires. This will ensure your partner will become your best friend again – and more!  


Kissing is another essential way to bring the sexy back into your relationship because kissing and cuddling without sex are an integral component of a healthy relationship.  Often when relationships begin, couples enjoy deep and passionate kissing, but unfortunately, over time they tend to stop.  Go parking again, sit on a beach, even snuggle on the couch to make out like you used to early in the relationship.

Read a sex book together

Spice things up in the bedroom by reading a sex book to see if you come up with something you both would like to try with your sex life.  Learning about sex is a great way to put some surprise back into your sex life and break up the predictable pattern.  Keep your erotic connection fresh and be seductive by maybe trying some new sexual positions, share your sexual fantasies with your partner or even purchase some sex toys to enjoy.  But remember, it has to be 100% something you both want to try.

Carolyn Rowland is a qualified NLP Master Therapist, Advanced Practitioner of Matrix Therapies, Time Line Therapist, Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, has a Diploma for Business and Life Coaching and A Professional Image Stylist.  Carolyn is happily married to her husband Simon, and raised four beautiful children, who are now young adults and a teenager.


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