What's Holding You Back From Love And Happiness?
Here is an example of a client of mine, a successful businesswoman, who came to see me because no matter how successful she was in her career, she still felt inadequate. She valued herself with work, but not with life and relationships, including friends and family. She also wanted was to meet the love of her life, but she didn't take any actions towards meeting her partner.
During our sessions, it became evident that my client was feeling drained and depressed because she wasn't taking care of herself. Her lack of self-love led to not knowing how to take care of herself around others. So she did everything others wanted her to do, including things like going out for dinner when she was exhausted from a huge day at work, because she felt guilty if she said no.
As our sessions progressed though, my client made a huge discovery.
She realised that she would continue to feel lonely, anxious, inadequate and depressed, no matter how successful she was at work, until she learnt to speak up for herself and learned to take loving actions towards herself.
Many people suffer daily from depression, stress and anxiety, which often leads to anger and feelings of guilt and inadequacy. The primary cause of these feelings is a lack of self-love.
To find self-love, you need to work on the following two areas: loving actions for you and loving actions in relationships with others.
Loving actions for you include attending to your own needs, knowing that you matter, you are essential and you do count.
These are the loving actions my client listed and said she would commit to:
Eating nutritious food, avoiding junk food and sugar. Only eating when she is hungry and stopping when full and drinking more water.
Taking time out for herself, maybe to exercise or meditate, or to do something she loves, like go to a movie.
Keeping her workspace and home clear of clutter and organised.
Getting the sleep her body required.
Creating a balance between work and play, making sure she has time to work, as well as time to relax, learn, have fun and create.
Then she made a list of loving actions for her relationships:
Enjoy being with others more, knowing she is not compromising her needs, integrity and feelings.
Saying no when she means no, and yes when you mean yes.
Being honest with herself.
Compromising when required, but not doing everything others want her to do anymore.
Taking ownership of her feelings and needs, instead of being a victim and blaming others responsible for how she feels.
Creating a balance between giving and receiving.
Learning to speak up and be honest with others.
So, what was the outcome?
My client learnt to put herself first, in her career and life, by saying no more often. She started with little steps, organising to see friends when she wanted to see them, not because she felt she had to. This small step, plus acting on the list she put together, has led her to discover that she is worthy. She is now happy and madly in love with the man of her dreams.
And the best part is that my client worked all this out by herself, with some guidance by moi, but she did the work.
Carolyn Rowland is a qualified NLP Master Therapist, Advanced Practitioner of Matrix Therapies, Time Line Therapist, Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, has a Diploma for Business and Life Coaching and A Professional Image Stylist. Carolyn is happily married to her husband Simon, and raised four beautiful children, who are now young adults and a teenager.