The 10 Habits Of Happy Couples
Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon is over. They know that unless you maintain the garden of love, its beauty will wither and die.
Maintaining the garden of love over 25 years has been interesting for my husband Simon and I, especially when you are raising and supporting four children, my therapy studies, and running companies. These can become the number one priorities. Often we are told we are "lucky" because we are still madly in love after all this time. We don't see it as luck, we have incorporated many great "habits" because we like making each other happy.
Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behaviour that you do automatically, and that takes a little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new action to become a habit. So select one of the behaviours in the list below to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit, and make you happier as a couple.
And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologise to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.
Dr. Mark Goulston is a psychiatrist, international speaker, and best selling author of books such as Just Listen: Discover the Secret to getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again and REAL INFLUENCE: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In, Get Out of Your Own Way, and Get Out of Your Own Way at Work.
His 10 Habits of Happy Couples offers valuable tips to will help you improve your relationship. We know because these are many of the habits we have incorporated into our marriage.
#1. Go to bed at the same time.
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to sleep with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skins touch it still causes each of them to tingle and unless one or both are completely exhausted to feel sexually excited.
#2. Cultivate common interests.
After the passion settles down, it’s common to realise that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimise the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more attractive to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
#3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand, side by side together. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
#4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
#5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look at what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive, looking through rose coloured glasses.
#6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
#7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.
A fabulous way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
#8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel.
By saying "Good night" tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
#9. Do a “weather” check during the day.
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
#10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of the neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong to each other.
If there was one key to happiness in love and life and possibly even success it would be to go into each conversation you have with this commandment to yourself front and foremost in your mind, “Just Listen” and be more interested than interesting, more fascinated than fascinating and more adoring than adorable.
Life is too short not to live without love so we hope you are inspired to try the habits with your partner.
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