Cazinc is a collective of Melbourne bloggers that explores culture in many forms – from fashion and style, travel, lifestyle and wellbeing, to the culinary and decorative arts.

 

Why Having Sex Is Healthy?

Why Having Sex Is Healthy?

Have you ever heard the saying that in the first year of your relationship put a button in a jar every time you have sex?  Then in years to come, take a button out of the jar every time you have sex, and you will never empty the jar.

It has been common that when new in a relationship, most couples can’t keep their hands off each other, which is usually a physical and exciting time.  A time when you look at each other, your heart still skips a beat.  But as time goes by, however, the sexual excitement tends to fade.

Sexual excitement fading can be due to having children, work commitments, hobbies, television and even social media.  One thing I have always maintained to couples who want a healthy sex life is that the bedroom is for sleeping and sex, not for a television.

Sex isn’t merely a fun and pleasurable activity.  Particularly for a lot of women who find it a chore, or couples who are simply not having sex at all.  After a day of running around after children, or a hard day at work, cooking, cleaning, ironing and then the hand comes across the bed, and you think “You have got to be kidding me”.  

In the relationship book I am currently writing (stay tuned, will be available before Christmas), I always say that great sex on a Wednesday starts on a Sunday.  The secret is what happens outside of the bedroom that makes it unique in the bedroom.  Yes, I am speaking about romance, but romance to your partner can be with a look of pure lust.  It can be embracing each other for longer than normal.  It can be a simple conversation of how much you love her or a text message.  It can be snuggling up on the couch.  It can be kissing, long and hard, without sex (but it nearly always leads to it).

Sex is beneficial for both partners individually, and it is an important part of maintaining any significant relationship.  Think back to the times when you are really in love, full of lust for each other when you are not only having sex, you are making love.  The times when you just want to curl up and be inside each other.  The times when you feel like you can’t get close enough to each other.  The times when you feel like you are not a couple, but you are as one unit.

So why is having great sex necessary for a fabulous relationship?

Sex increases your bond with your partner.  When you have incredible sex like above, not just a “Wham bam, thank you mam”, your body releases oxytocin, the chemical that makes you feel deeply connected to another person.  Having regular sex also strengthens monogamous relationships, in particular for men as it causes your body to release vasopressin, a chemical that encourages faithfulness.

Studies have shown that sex helps reduce depression and anxiety, and it can boost your immune system, so the more sexually active you are, the less likely you are to get sick.
So what to do when your sex life starts to sour?  

When the sex life goes into none existence is when couples came to see me.  Firstly, I worked with them on their self-beliefs.  Read our article

Then we worked on communication, starting with date nights.  

My husband knows when I need a time out and for him to organise a date because I text him saying “I need a date, it is cheaper than divorce!”.  I also know when Simon needs a date night.  Here's the thing, we organise it.  Why, because we love each other and want to keep our relationship strong, and sorry to my children, maintain a healthy sex life.

Date night is for you to feel like a couple again.  

Date nights can include:

-    Dinner out together
-    A picnic in the park
-    A walk somewhere special
-    A candle lit dinner at home

Date nights are not a night to speak about finance, careers or family.  They are a night where you only concentrate on the love you have for each other.

For the guys, it is a time for you to feel like the man.  You can feel proud you are organising to take your gorgeous woman out.  

If you are going to a nice restaurant, it is important for you to groom yourself, dress up and look fabulous for your woman.  You open the doors for her, keep telling her how gorgeous she is, and make her feel special, which will make her feel special.  Now here is the important part – keep looking her in the eye as if she is the only person on the planet, she is the only person you want to focus.  The foveal, masculine look of a hunter and your partner is your prey!

For the girls, this is your time to look and feel sexy if you are going to a lovely restaurant.  My kids know I have “Daddy Dresses” that I wear on our date nights.  It is amazing when you dress up how fantastic you feel about yourself.  It is not a time for self-doubts.  It is interesting as women often would say to me “but I feel fat” and the guys would state that they love their wives the way they are.  My husband loves my bum and breasts and hates it when I lose too much weight.  Most men feel this way!!!  So please remember to allow your man to be your man and to treat you like the gorgeous woman you are.

So once you start to take time out together on your dates, then you can start with open and compassionate communication.

Always start with saying a few beautiful things about each other and how much you mean to each other before you begin on the topic of sex.  Remember we are not here to put each other down, it is to make the magic even more magical.  Ask questions like ”I think our sex life could be even better” or  “I have some ideas we could try”, but please remember this is the person who you love more than anything in the world other than yourself.  You need to pick the right moments to have these conversations.

Read our article "50 Ways To Love Your Partner" and for further reading, review our articles on self-love and inspiration in the well-being section of Cazinc.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this article and hoped you read it with your partner so you too can add a touch of inspiration to your life and bedrooms.

We would love to hear from you about your date nights.  Enjoy and please share with others so we can keep providing you with real, fun and educational articles.

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