Are The Butterflies Love Or A Warning Sign?
Written by Georgia Selih.
Do you remember the first time you were in love?
I remember mine. It was back in elementary school. My crush was the guy sitting next to me in math class. At first, it felt terrific, later it was awful, but nothing can compare to “wrongfully diagnosed butterflies” in your 30s. But before I move on to that unpleasant story, let’s talk butterflies.
Did you know that that feeling in your stomach when you’re in love is real and logical? A team of neurologists proved that there is a connection between feeling love and chumming sensations in the stomach. And this is the feeling many of us are searching for our entire lives. Every girl wants that guy who will make her stomach tie itself in knots and whose kiss will make her dizzy. Is that what real love is all about?
Let me tell you my story, and you be the judge.
He gave me the butterflies
A couple of years ago I met the person who I thought was perfect for me. It was love at first sight. I felt all the symptoms, from butterflies to dizziness, and I thought that’s it: “This is the guy you will settle down with, and you will spend the rest of your lives together.” From the moment we started dating, almost to the very last day of our relationship, my heart fluttered at the very thought of him, and my knees shimmered every time he held me in his arms. Step by step we started growing closer and spending more and more time together. After a couple of months of dating, we moved in together.
Trouble in paradise
You know, when you start living with someone, you start noticing some of the flaws that didn’t bother you as much when you didn't see each other as much. Maybe he throws his dirty socks on the floor, or he chews very loudly; perhaps he wakes up late and expects coffee and breakfast on the table each day. Don’t get me wrong, even in such situations I was head over heels for him, but we started arguing over things that were so little that nobody should notice them. There was no reasonable communication where we could be honest with each other about our doubts and fears.
Bye, bye butterflies
As the time went by, everything became a routine. We kissed each other in the morning because we felt like we have to. We used to ask each other about what happened at work and meet up with our friends because that is what is expected from a couple. We felt sad and depressed because we didn’t feel the butterflies anymore, and ended our relationship because there was no more passion, love and those smiles on our faces when someone mentions the other person’s name. There were only fights, screaming at each other, and disappointment. And I had big plans with this one.
What have I learned?
Analyzing all of my previous relationships, especially this one, and reading useful dating advice for women I’ve come to a revelation that any situation in a relationship can be observed from more points of view and that both partners interpret the signs they get differently. That’s why communication is essential in any relationship. My ex and I were too afraid of serious talks because we considered them “the murderers of butterflies,” but apparently we were wrong. Each relationship, regardless of how filled with love and respect, has its ups and downs. The only thing that differentiates a successful couple from a failed one is how they deal with those downs.
Bottom line: love or a warning sign?
Everyone’s story is different, and you don’t have to rely on my experience to have a great relationship. However, I felt the need to share this with you. And now to answer the big question: the butterflies don't have to be either. They can’t be just a quick crush that will pass when you realize that, for example, you have nothing in common with that guy. Or they can be a beautiful beginning of a relationship where partners need to do their best to be with each other even in the most challenging moments. Keeping the butterflies alive is the problematic part. They will never be as vigorous as they were at the beginning, but that’s ok, because what comes later – pure love, trust, respect, and friendship – is all just as good, if not even better.
Thinking that a relationship is a constant string of romantic-movie excitements is a very high-school mentality. A stormy bond can lead to a rocky marriage, and a rocky marriage leads to unhappiness. I’m in my 30s, and I'm done with rollercoasters, and I’m not afraid to say that I’m ready for a smooth “until death do us part” ride.
Georgia contacted me a couple of months ago about writing for Cazinc. Another beautiful soul who will bring brilliance to our blog. Georgia Selih is by nature an artist, by profession a journalist. An irreparable print lover who is enjoying this hot digital affair.
Georgia is based in Sydney, but presently touring around Europe, so hopefully we will hear about her travels soon.